5 Days and A Dream

OMG Ya'll! In just FIVE days Baby Boy #3 will be here, and I can't even believe it. This pregnancy has gone by so quickly, which is the opposite of how my other pregnancies felt. Part of this is probably because this time around I'm having a scheduled C-Section at 39 weeks, so I know that there is an end in sight and it's much closer than if I had to wait another 2 or 3 weeks. The other part is that I've already got two little wild-men at home, so they have kept me busier than I was the first or second time around.

I'm so grateful that I've had an easy, healthy pregnancy. I'm grateful for a practice of doctors who are progressive, friendly, and capable. I'm grateful to have employment at a company that has allowed me to earn enough PTO and SHCL to earn a paycheck while I'm out on maternity leave.I'm grateful for Troy who has been the best helper ever, always offering to rub lotion on my belly or rub my feet. I'm grateful for Archer's mischievous little grin that has made me laugh so many times this pregnancy, and his sweet little baby smell that still lingers and reminds me of what I have to look forward to all over again. I'm grateful for a husband who is my rock and has been so good about plying me with milkshakes or Blizzards from DQ when requested. I'm grateful for a group of women I consider my best friends, both near and far. I'm grateful for an aunt who has been like a mother to me. And I'm grateful for my mother, who despite her absence, is ever present and whom I credit much of what I know about being a mother to.

I've felt my mom's absence the most this pregnancy. There have been many more days this time around where I wished she was here, and when the actions of other people in our lives have reminded me of just what exactly my children, husband, and myself are missing out on by not having her here.

A few weeks ago I had a dream about her, which is a rare thing for me. Since her death eight years ago, I can count on one hand how many dreams I've had about her. The dreams are never about her, but I know she is present, and the second I acknowledge that she is there and acknowledge that it can't be real because she is dead, she disappears.

This dream was different. Chad and I are in the recovery room at the hospital, following the birth of this baby. I'm sitting up holding him, and in walks my mom, just the way she used to, smelling and looking the way she used to, like Elizabeth Arden Green Tear perfume and smiling and happy. I look directly at her and say, "You can't be here, you're dead. What are you doing here?" She responds "I"m just visiting."

And I think she was.

xx.

Amanda